"It is through listening that you heal and empower;
it is through understanding that you grow."
Nelson Mandela

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who just didn’t listen to what you were saying?

They heard you just fine, and their response is on topic. But they didn’t get the message that you were trying to convey. They weren’t grasping your perspective. It can be really frustrating.

This isn’t a matter of using the right or wrong vocabulary. It’s not the tone of your voice or whether the conversation took place over the phone or in an email or in person.

It’s a result of the other person not listening with compassion.

It’s no secret that in today’s media-rich world, we’re constantly consuming information.

From scrolling through social media posts to streaming the latest hit movie or even reading a weekly newsletter (like Mind Power), there is an avalanche of words, images, and sounds constantly flowing through our brains.

And most of the time, we only absorb a small fraction of the information coming at us, like trying to collect rain in a coffee mug during a storm.

That’s because our brains have created filters that block much of the information we consume from being fully digested and processed by our consciousness.

This ensures that we don’t overload our minds with too much information (something that’s becoming more and more common thanks to smartphones and the internet).

These brain filters are based on our internal values and our beliefs, and they help shape how we view the world - for better or worse.

But sometimes our filters can prevent us from understanding one another.

If we’re in a conversation with someone who is saying something that’s at odds with either our beliefs or our values, then our filters activate.

In order to protect those beliefs and values, we subconsciously stop “listening” to the other person.

We may hear them just fine, but we’re not absorbing the true meaning behind their words.

And this can lead to bruised relationships, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. It can limit our vision and stifle our growth.

If you find that you’re constantly butting heads with someone or you wonder how to repair a strained relationship, then there’s one thing that may turn the tide in your favor:

Listening with compassion.

At its core, listening with compassion requires an important ingredient:

Awareness.

Awareness allows you to recognize when you might be unconsciously filtering a conversation. It is crucial if you want to truly overcome these filters so that you can empathize without judgment or bias.

Awareness enables you to focus on “listening to understand” rather than “listening to respond.” And it empowers you to choose your words in a way that reflects that you understand the other person in the conversation - or are at least making an effort to.

And oftentimes as long as you are showing that you are making the effort to understand, that can go a long way towards mending burnt bridges and hurt feelings.

The goal for listening with compassion is not to solve a problem or change someone’s mind. It’s to reach a deeper level of understanding, to connect, to heal, and to relieve suffering.

It’s also a huge doorway to growth in ourselves.

When we are aware enough to silence our filters and listen with compassion, it often leads to opportunities for growth.

This is because listening with compassion allows us to let new information into our minds and hearts that may conflict with our beliefs and values.

So, how can you listen more compassionately so that you can also grow?

Here are three tips that’ll help:

1. Embrace Humility: Acknowledge that understanding someone else's experience completely is difficult, and might not always be possible due to our different backgrounds and cultures. Instead, aspire to understand as much as you can, appreciating the shared humanity in all experiences. Even communicating this difficulty to understand may lead to deeper understanding in itself.
   
   
2. Cultivate Equanimity: Equanimity means maintaining balance and even-mindedness. This doesn't translate to indifference, but rather involves letting go of biases and prejudices to deeply understand the speaker's perspective. It’s the dissolution of the filters that may have prevented that deeper understanding in the past.
   
   
3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment, a key requirement for compassionate listening. It allows us to focus on the speaker, their words, their emotions, and their unspoken messages without distraction. And it helps foster awareness of your own subconscious filters that may be playing a role in your ability to listen with compassion.

Remember, the key to growth lies not in how much we speak, but in how much we listen. And when we listen with compassion, that's where the magic happens. That's where the true growth begins.

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