“Everything begins with a thought, and what you focus on tends to happen in reality.”
-Bill Harris
Issue #460 – Monday, January 27, 2025
By Ryan Standifird
As I see the devastation of the recent fires in Los Angeles, I can’t help but wonder what my life would have been like had I not moved from Southern California to Oregon.
In February 2020, my partner and I quit our jobs and moved from Anaheim to Beaverton, unaware that a pandemic was about to turn the world upside down.
Despite the challenges we faced, I’m proud of the life that we built here over the last 5 years. We both found great jobs, got married, bought a house, and had two beautiful kids. It wasn’t easy, but we achieved everything we set out to do when we first decided to take that leap of faith.
Would the same result have happened if we stayed in California? Maybe, maybe not.
To be honest, there was a lot of discussion and weighing the pros and cons of this huge move, and ultimately we took the bet that the life we wanted - the marriage, the house, the kids - would be easier to achieve if we left the place we were born and raised.
It paid off for us, but it doesn’t always work out for everyone.
What was the last major decision you made that changed your life in huge ways?
Maybe you switched careers, enrolled in higher education, formed a serious relationship, started a business, had a child, moved to a new city, bought a house…
…or maybe after thinking things through, you decided not to make the change.
Whatever it was, the ripple effect of that decision has likely had astounding implications that will affect you for years - if not decades. These are pivotal choices that can take you onto completely different paths and lead to totally different life experiences.
That’s a lot of pressure behind one decision.
So it’s no surprise then that when we’re faced with making these major changes, our brains go into overdrive to try and figure out whether the risk is worth the reward.
But how exactly do we weigh the ups and downs before pulling the trigger on a major change? And is there a way to make sure that we’re making the best choice?
Scientists believe they’ve come to an answer. A new paper published in American Psychologist from the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin breaks down how we approach these commitments into five crucial aspects, along with strategies on how we can make sure we’re making the best choice that’ll lead to the most success.
The 5 Aspects of Major Decisions
If you ever have to make a major life-altering decision, you’ll probably use these five aspects - whether you’re aware of it or not - to come to your conclusion.
Aspect 1: Conflicting Cues
This is the pros and cons list that everyone will manifest (whether on paper or in their mind) to help them make their decision. The tricky part here is determining whether giving up something is worth gaining another. For example, when we moved to Oregon, my partner left her family behind - a major downside. But in exchange, we were able to afford a bigger house with enough room that her family could comfortably stay with us for long periods of time when they visited - an upside that made living with that downside easier.
In essence, what we did with this list - and a strategy you can use to help you make better decisions - is called tallying, the act of measuring whether there are more pros or more cons.
When we tallied up our pros and cons list for moving to Oregon, we found that there were more pros (or potential pros) than there were cons.
That doesn’t mean that things couldn’t have gone horribly wrong, but it means that the risk would be worth the reward.
Aspect 2: Change of Self
One of the major aspects of life-changing decisions is the fact that you, yourself, will also change along with whatever decision you make. Whether it’s becoming a new parent, ending a relationship, switching careers, or any other major decision, your values and sense of identity will be affected.
So, when considering this major decision, you can set yourself up for success and happiness by using a strategy called ideal self-realization. This means that you figure out who you want to be, what sorts of values you want to have, and what sorts of beliefs you want to adopt or hold onto. Once you do, you’ll have a better sense of which choice will lead to those ideals.
Aspect 3: Uncertain Experiential Value
Another major aspect of these life-altering commitments is the fact that the future is unknown. You could plan all you want, but until you actually get there, you won’t really know what it’s like.
What will being married feel like? What sort of experience would moving across the country be for you? What would it be like working in a different field?
The strategy that would help with this aspect is to learn from others’ experiences. This involves talking to someone or reading a book or watching an interview or listening to a podcast where someone shares their first-hand experience when they made a similar decision as you are weighing. This can clear away some of the fog on potential outcomes so you can be more informed on the challenges and benefits of your potential choice.
For example, my father moved from California to Oregon two years before we made the move, and his experience was crucial in shaping how we expected our experience would go.
Aspect 4: Irreversibility
Most of these decisions require a long-term commitment at some point. And with that comes a sense of irreversibility, that there’s no way to undo the decision once it has been made and followed through with.
Even if my wife and I decided to move back to California now, we would do so as new people. The decision we made 5 years ago has already caused irreversible changes in us, our families, and our careers.
But there is a way to lessen this sense of finality. It’s called the Testing the Waters strategy, and it lets you take small, reversible steps before fully committing to the big decision. For example, my wife and I dated for a year before I proposed, and it was two years later that we finally tied the knot.
We didn’t go to the courthouse on our third date, we tested the waters for three years to make sure we were a good fit before committing to marriage.
Aspect #5: Risk
Of course there’s risk with such a big decision. What if you move to a new city but can’t find work? What if your new spouse cheats on you? What if you lose a bunch of money or waste a bunch of time barking up the wrong tree?
That’s where a strategy called Hedge Clipping can lessen the risk. This involves making small incremental changes that set up the big change to be easier. This could be something like securing a job before making a big move, saving up for a down payment on a house before pulling the trigger on buying one, or cohabiting with a partner before getting married. By taking these steps, you’re slowing down the process, but you’re also reducing the risk of the big decision and making it easier for you to be successful.
Our Lives Are Shaped By Our Decisions
If you look back on your life, you’ll find that it’s defined by the big decisions you made. From your relationships to your career, your location and even your family - all of it is the result of actions you took to further your goals.
And now that you understand a little more about how these decisions are formed and some strategies that can help, your odds of success for your next big life-changing decisions just went up.
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Wise Words
“If you look back on your life, you’ll find that it’s defined by the big decisions you made.”
- Ryan Standifird
This Really Happened
When I finished the recording I felt a peace within me that had not been felt for a long time. I was also no longer tired and hurting! The feeling lasted through Christmas Eve service and the remainder of the night…
..I will definitely continue this! I’m loving how the weight of the world feels lifted off my chest and shoulders!
~Joan H.
5-Day Challenge participant
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