“When you meditate, don’t be in such a hurry. Everything will happen in its own good time.”
-Bill Harris
Issue #448 – Monday, November 4, 2024
The Lost Art of Slowing Down
Busting 3 Myths About Patience
By Marc Gilson
“Patience is not passive. On the contrary, it is concentrated strength.”
- Bruce Lee
One day, many years ago, I was driving my son home from preschool. He was about five years old at the time and was sitting in his car seat in the back of the car. We were waiting in a long line of cars in a left-turn lane, and once the traffic light turned green, I was eager for the line to get moving.
But alas, the slow-pokes in front of us took their sweet time and the light turned red again before we could make the turn. So there we were, once again, stuck waiting at the same light. Ugh!
I uttered some frustrated words under my breath, careful to avoid anything too snarky in front of my young son. Even so, he picked up on my irritation and said, “What’s wrong, dad?”
“We missed the light,” I explained, “so now we have to sit here and wait for it to turn green again!”
He was quiet for a moment and then simply said, “So what?”
Now, one of us was an experienced meditator, a participant in seven-day silent retreats, and a supposed “expert” in mindfulness practices. The other one was five years old.
But no Zen Master could have said it better, and his two-word response eloquently articulated a lesson about patience that so few - especially me, I suppose - have really managed to learn!
The Art of Patience
In a world obsessed with immediate gratification, patience is a lost art. We want our eyeglasses made in an hour, our lunch delivered in 20 minutes, “same-day delivery” for our online grocery order. Convenience requires expedience. “Don’t wait!’ “Act now!” “Time is money!” “Every second counts!”
It’s a high-velocity world where everything and everyone moves fast, and if you don’t keep up, you get left behind. Waiting around is wasted time! And frankly, it’s hard to argue with that.
But what if we’re failing to see the value of patience? Of slowing down and waiting? Of just being, and not doing?
What does patience really have to offer that we might be losing in our frantic rush to cram as much into our day as we possibly can?
Perhaps we don’t really understand patience because it’s been obscured by myths and misconceptions; overshadowed by this excessive fixation on speed and action.
Or is it that we don’t have the patience to understand patience?
Maybe in our obsession with instant gratification, we’re overlooking some important gifts that patience is, well, patiently waiting to give us.
So let’s be patient as we take a moment to bust three myths about what patience is (and isn’t)!
Three Myths About Patience
Myth #1: Patience is Laziness
We often confuse patience with laziness, assuming that waiting or not rushing into action is a form of passivity or inaction.
But in reality, patience is far from passive - it’s actually a deeply intentional and mindful form of action. It requires discipline, control, and focus. In fact, exercising patience can often demand more strength than impulsive action, as it asks us to hold back when every fiber of our being is telling us to go, go, go!
In Taoism, there is a concept called Wu Wei, which is often misunderstood as 'doing nothing.' On the surface, it seems like a philosophy of inaction, but it’s better understood as a form of 'effortless action' or 'action without struggle.' So, what’s the difference between these two ideas—doing nothing versus acting effortlessly?
The distinction lies in whether we are in harmony or dissonance with the reality unfolding around us.
Think of it as the difference between force and flow.
When we force things - whether it’s a situation, a relationship, or even our personal growth - we’re essentially battling against the natural course of events, trying to make the universe bend to our will. That can be exhausting, often leading to frustration, stress, and burnout.
But when we align ourselves with the natural flow of life we create space for unexpected opportunities. These opportunities may not always look exactly how we envisioned them, but by learning to move with the rhythm of life, we can stop playing tug-of-war with the universe and things can unfold in their own time.
This is how patience becomes a proactive state of mind - one infused with awareness, one that is adaptive, and open to life’s unfolding rather than rigidly fixated on a single outcome. When we learn to move with the flow, we’re not abandoning our desires; we’re allowing them the space to manifest in their own time, in a way that aligns with our greater reality.
Myth #2: Patience is Wasted Time
Imagine you’re coaching a basketball team and are in the midst of an intense game. Your team is struggling to score. They’re making sloppy mistakes and turning the ball over. They’re taking poor shots and failing to defend against the other team.
If you don’t do something soon, your team has no hope of competing, let alone winning the game. What do you do, coach?
Well, a smart coach calls a time-out.
Time-outs aren’t just sitting around and letting the players catch their breath, though. It’s not time wasted or when “nothing happens.” On the contrary, a skilled coach uses a time-out to get the team to refocus, remind them of the game plan, point out areas of play that need attention, and deliver some words of encouragement and inspiration.
Every so often, we need to call a time-out for ourselves. Stop, pause, take some time to look at how the game of life is going. What areas need improvement? What do we need to do to get back on track and execute the game plan?
Like a time-out, patience provides an opportunity to take a breath, refocus, and recalibrate. A well-timed time-out can turn the game around and get you back on track!
Myth #3: Patience is a Virtue
Okay, maybe. But it’s better to think of patience as a skill - something even those of us who feel impatient can learn and develop.
The phrase 'exercise patience' perfectly illustrates this concept. Much like a muscle, patience needs regular exercise and practice to grow stronger. It’s not a passive trait that some people are just born with; it’s something we can develop and grow.
Think about it.
When we give in to impatience, the 'muscles' that support our ability to wait calmly and think clearly begin to weaken and atrophy. We can’t respond, only react. This leaves us unprepared for the many situations life throws our way, where we have no option but to wait.
And we all know life is full of those moments, isn’t it? Traffic jams, long lines, career setbacks, even personal growth—all of these require patience. Without it, we end up frazzled, frustrated, and more stressed than we need to be.
Patience, on the other hand, gives us a unique kind of resilience, the capacity to slow down and expand our awareness.
Patience is the strength to wait without getting stressed out, the ability to maintain calm when things aren’t moving as quickly as we’d like, or, like me, when you get stuck at the same red light for what seems like an eternity!
“So What?”
My son was right. “So what?”
Sometimes you just gotta relax, breathe, and exercise some patience because, well, what good does stressing out about it do?
I mean, wouldn’t we all be a little happier if we handled such circumstances with a sense of peace instead of panic? And I can’t think of anything today’s world needs more than a little more peace!
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Wise Words
“In reality, patience is far from passive - it’s actually a deeply intentional and mindful form of action.”
- Marc Gilson
This Really Happened
I didn't notice anything for the first three days. Then my partner asked me what I was so happy about and I realized I was feeling very upbeat. Then I listened to day 4 and a very strange thing happened. While I was listening, the best way I can describe it is that my whole body starting humming. I have never felt anything like it before and it stopped at the end of the recording. It was a very pleasant feeling so
looking forward to listening to day 5.
~Nancy M
5-Day Challenge Participant
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